C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
