Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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