I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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