Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
