Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
