Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
