just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
