I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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