She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
