my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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