I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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