i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
