Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
