"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
