Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
