I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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