I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
