My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
