I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
