I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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