So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
