the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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