He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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