One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
