Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The adults are the big ones right?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
