giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
