i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
