My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
