Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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