Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
