I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she told me i tasted like america
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
