im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
