I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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