That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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