I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we're making bets on your personal life
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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