too bad you live with your parents still
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
