found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
