I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
