Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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