trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
