Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
