He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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