Your face is a jimmy john
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
