I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
