i jhust puked up my retainher.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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