Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
