I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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