He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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