Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
