I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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