he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You ate ashes out of my bong
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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