You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
